i only recently stumbled upon
this golden nugget of joy.
FML (fuck my life)
i’ve never heard anyone actually say this in real life before i started reading these…
+ now it’s this monster of a site.
there’s even an fml iphone app.
i read at least 4 very night before i sleep.
my dreams have never been better +
i don’t wake up in the middle of the night to take a piss anymore.
My Top 4 FMLs:
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
#5074855
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me “Stop!” The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
#217348
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
#1076218
Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says “Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!” They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML
#3329727
sweet dreams
those are hard to beat IMO, but if they are defeated, i’ll do this once a month… maybe
One Comment
1 Xander wrote:
LMFAO @ #3.
Can’t believe you just discovered the best website ever holmes!